Monday, August 25, 2014

What an Honor

There are a great many things that come to mind when I think about my "Gramma." At the moment my thought is, "Wow, has she really been gone for two years?"  I think back over the past two years and can see so many occasions I wish I could have shared with her. 

For Gramma, it wasn't about the big things, but the small things to take joy in. She always wanted to know what was going on in my life-every little detail. "Where did you go? Did you have fun? Show me pictures! What did you buy? Aren't you going to try those clothes on for me? Are there any guys you like? Why hasn't he asked you out yet?" Quite honestly, that wasn't always the way I liked it, because Gramma didn't need to know EVERYTHING! However, now that she's gone, I find myself wishing she were here so I could tell her many such details.

The day Gramma moved into the nursing home, I was "on duty" to help her get ready.  We chatted as we got her dressed, and then she looked at me and said, "It was an honor to have you get me ready on my last day at home." I had no words. Later, however, the tears came. Her comment totally took me by surprise, but as my day went on, and as time goes on, I have realized what an honor it was FOR ME to have been the one to get her ready that day. Tears still flow freely at that thought.

I still remember my last visit with Gramma, it was the night before I left for Ecuador.  I almost didn't even go, she was barely conscious by this time, she wouldn't know that I was there anyway.  I would go see her when I came back.  For some reason, I went.  And I believe it was a "God thing."  When I arrived, my mom told her that I was there, she lifted her head and looked right at me-more acknowledgement than she had given all day.  I believe that somehow she knew. She knew this would be the last time she would see me, this side of Heaven.  Three days later, while I was in Ecuador, Gramma let go of her fight and went Home.  I am beyond thankful I was home for the services, and yet I wish I could have been there for my family in those first few days.  Instead, I stood bawling in the middle of the Miami airport trying to process it all as I talked to my mom on the phone. I am very thankful for my friends who were there to comfort me at that moment.

What I wouldn't give to be able to tell Gramma about my Ecuador trip and all my trips since, for that matter. What I wouldn't give to hear her sing "You are My Sunshine" one more time. What I wouldn't give to paint her nails once again. What I wouldn't give for one more Christmas to decorate her tree, beyond frustrated by her need to have every ornament in the perfect place-to the centimeter and in her line of vision. What I wouldn't give to hang that stupid golden tassel ornament from her ear just one more time. What I wouldn't give to hear her read us Christmas stories we are all too old for...

I know Gramma is much better off in Heaven.  I have no doubt she is praising with Jesus and riding her bike on the streets of gold.  Her faith was something she never hid and certainly shared with us all. She enriched our lives and will forever hold a special place in our hearts.  What an honor it is for me to share her name. What an honor it is to have had a grandma like my Gramma. 

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